Aug

12

Don’t Blame the Lettuce-Blaming Doesn’t Help

Filed Under Behaviour Management, Special Education 

Don’t blame the lettuce. What? Earlier this week, I was in my local book store poking around in the books on a table at the back of the store, and I came across Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Peace Is Every Step. I picked it up, opened it at page 78 and started to read


When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look into reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.


Since I’m an avid gardener, this caught my eye. It’s true. I don’t blame a plant when it doesn’t grow well. Why would I? It’s also true that blaming family and friends when I have a problem doesn’t help much either. Hanh’s got that right!


If a plant isn’t thriving, I examine it carefully to determine its needs and then change the care I have been giving it so that it can grow well. Sometimes I water it more; sometimes I water it less. Sometimes I even change its location. I do everything in my power to help it thrive. I certainly don’t blame it.

If students aren’t thriving, I try to do the same thing. I try to determine their needs and then give them the care that is necessary for them to thrive. I try not to blame them. Blaming doesn’t help. Kids and plants- for me it’s the same thing.

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Comments

10 Responses to “Don’t Blame the Lettuce-Blaming Doesn’t Help”

  1. Jason Manheim on August 26th, 2006 9:53 am

    Hi Elona. I came across this really interesting article that relates to what your talking about here. The way we must look to ourselves to help others. It’s a little “out there” but nontheless it portrays a very important message. Hope you enjoy it.

  2. Elona on August 26th, 2006 4:37 pm

    Jason, thanks for the heads up on the really interesting article. All I can say is…..I don’t know what to say. It is really “out there” or according to the article “in here”. I believe that if we change ourselves, we begin to change others. But I thought of it more as a ripple effect- you know over a long time. It’s kind of scary too because, according to the article, if we can effect good changes we can effect bad changes.

  3. Empowering Links: Week of 3rd September - Life Coaches on September 2nd, 2006 10:06 pm

    [...] Great advice from Elona about taking responsibility: Don’t Blame the Lettuce. She’s a teacher dealing with kids most at risk of dropping out of school, and her experiences are both riveting and inspiring. She’s doing good work [...]

  4. Elona on September 3rd, 2006 6:06 pm

    Thanks for the encouragement.

  5. Senia on September 10th, 2006 9:51 pm

    This is maybe my favorite of your posts. What a beautiful, simple, clear idea. And I love the post’s title.

  6. gail praharenka on September 21st, 2006 10:06 am

    Wonderful article I couldn’t have said it better. And I am printing it off to show the teachers at my son’s school as I commented on his heavey load of homework and got a blaming statement from them that the answer was he was not working. Let’s take this negative,primitive power pushing means of communication out of our vocabulary and jointly as parents and teachers find solutions for student’s weaknesses and work together. Gail

  7. Elona on September 21st, 2006 11:36 am

    Thank you, Gail. I’m delighted that you want to share the article. I hope it is useful.

  8. Teachers At Risk » A Digital Immigrant’s Reflections on March 3rd, 2007 8:41 pm

    [...] expertise is exhausted, I fall back on my considerable gardening expertise . (I’ve talked here about the usefulness of my gardening philosophy in my classroom [...]

  9. Ms. Hartjes’ lettuce at Teach Effectively! on January 10th, 2008 6:07 am

    [...] the rest of Ms. Hartjes’ post. Link to “Don’t Blame the Lettuce.” For those who are not familiar with Ms. [...]

  10. Elona Hartjes on January 10th, 2008 11:45 am

    John,
    Thank you so much for your link to my post. I’m delighted that you enjoyed my article and that you shared it with your readers.

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