Comments on: Bullying is a cry for help. We’d better listen.

By: Elona

Elona — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 20:48:26 +0000

Shellie,
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your insights. I truly believe that bullying is a cry for help. I agree with you that kids who exhibit bullying behaviour need the same caring and concern as kids who are victims of bullying. Unfortunately often this is not the case.

By: Shellie Bird

Shellie Bird — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 12:30:46 +0000

I read your article with interest. I have worked in child care for over 25 years with infants, toddlers and preschoolers and want to share what I have observed – in large part because how we understand what causes bullying will help us to more effectively support children not to bully. I have worked with literally hundreds of children over my career and can tell you that children cope with (separation, fear, uncertainty, loneliness, sadness etc) in very different ways. Some children cry and cry and cry and will take no comfort from a new caregiver. These children literally exhaust themselves from their lament. Some children cry and cry but will take comfort and stop if they are held, distracted and encouraged by their new care giver. Some find a hiding spot hold on tight to a favourite item from home trying to avoid their feelings and their new surroundings – they stay quite as mouses. Some children strike out; hitting, pushing, biting others in response to thier fears and anxiety. They are dealing with exactly the same emotions as the other children, only they act on them differently. If, as some of your readers suggest we further disapprove and punish these children for these behaviours we do them more harm and will increase the bullying behaviours. These children like those that cry or grow quite need to be reassured, comforted and to have the adults in their lives focus on building relationships of trust, respect and regard. Bullies are not bad tainted humans to be singled out for additional punishments, shaming and disapproval by the adults in their lives. They need the same caring and concern we would give to a crying child or a child in obvious distress. It’s this that will help them to find more acceptable ways to deal with their fears and anxieties.

By: Elona

Elona — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 10:18:02 +0000

Laurie, thanks for the link to the article. The incident is truly sad. Imagine the pain felt by both sets of families. You’re right in saying that we have to get rid of “the boys will be boys” nonsense. The way I see it, that’s a tall order but that should not discourage us. Every little bit be do will help.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 07:23:17 +0000

This is so sad, but I thought you’d be interested in reading the article. A boy in Quebec was killed in a schoolyard “fight”.

We’ve got to get rid of this “boys will be boys” nonsense.

http://www.thestar.com/News/article/207526

By: Geri

Geri — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 00:35:18 +0000

I agree with you. It’s time to put an end to bullying. Lots of children and grown-ups have become victims to this kind of cruelty. I believe that it’s only fair to punish these bullies.

By: Elona

Elona — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 15:46:55 +0000

Barbara,
You have raised some excellent questions. Why aren’t schools doing more to deal with bullying? I think that up until recently, educators have thought that it’s just what kids do. You know, “the kids will be kids” line. Some people think it’s no big deal, but of course it is. Some people don’t know what to do about bullying. They need to be taught. People need to stop accepting bullying as part of the childhood experience. It’s absolutely amazing that some people don’t see it as a problem. That perception must change.

I recently read that most if not all of the school shooters over the last fifteen or so years were bullied and killed people because they just couldn’t take it anymore and didn’t know what else to do.

By: Barbara

Barbara — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 14:57:04 +0000

Your article on bullying is excellent! I firmly believe that Cho Seung-Hui was a victim of bullying. I want to ask, why aren’t their policies and procedures in place in our schools to protect the victims of bullying? Why aren’t their methods to report the people who bully? Why aren’t there classes about it? When you research the VA Tech shooting, the classmates as well as one of the instructors of Cho admitted that they laughed at Cho! That is very very sad, and I think laws should be made to prevent this kind of behavior.

By: Elona

Elona — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 10:25:34 +0000

Frank,
Yes, schools can and should help both the bully and the victim. Actually, the anti-bullying training can start before kids reach school. In a future post, I am going to discuss what parents can do to help their kids deal with bullying. Thanks for your comment.

By: Frank

Frank — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 07:05:55 +0000

I am also against bullying. As much as posible, it should begin in schools. If children were disciplined to avoid bullying, then they will less likely become a bully when they grow up.

By: Elona

Elona — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 03:57:29 +0000

Laurie, thank you. I’m glad you are enjoying my blog. I enjoy sharing what I have learned. I hope what I say is helpful. As for writing a book, I’m flattered. Writing a blog is one thing; writing a book is quite another thing. You may have just planted a seed, though.