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In an earlier post, I talked here about relational aggression and cyber-bullying. Today I’m going to focus on the issue of bullying and kids with learning difficulties and attentional problems. I teach these kids and see what a problem bullying is. I spend a lot of my time teaching kids, bullies and victims, the appropriate way to behave. First, let’s look the nature of kids who get bullied.

Typical victims are children who can be overpowered (physically, mentally, or emotionally) by the bully. They are usually more anxious and unsure of themselves than other students. These children often have a negative attitude toward violence and the use of violence in dealing with others. Victims usually suffer from low self-esteem and view themselves negatively. They often consider themselves failures and feel stupid, ashamed, and unattractive. They may come to believe that they “deserve” to be bullied.They are often lonely, friendless, and abandoned at school. (SchwabLearning)

This description fits many of my learning disabled students. Students who have learning difficulties or attentional problems are more at risk of being bullied than kids who don’t have these challenges. It makes perfect sense when you think about it. Kids who have language processing difficulties can have a tough time understanding what other kids are saying or what other kids mean, or they themselves can have a difficult time saying what they mean. I see this all the time in my classroom, in the hallways and in the cafeteria at school. There are all kinds of interpersonal misunderstandings because of language processioning difficulties.

Interpersonal misunderstandings are also common among students who have attentional difficulties. Those kids who have difficulty with attention and can’t maintain their focus on what someone is saying because they’re easily distracted , will often miss parts of the conversation and consequently won’t fully understand what’s going on and act on incomplete information, much to everyone’s frustration. Similarly, kids who are impulsive and have difficulty waiting their turn, jump in before everything is said and done also miss part of the message. Kids aren’t understanding each other or maybe more accurately said are misunderstanding each other. They get frustrated, tempers flare and fits fly. It all can happen in a matter of seconds. Believe me, it’s amazing how quickly things happen.

Of course, not quite getting what people are saying and not being able to articulate what you want to say is bound to affect your self-esteem. It’s not surprising that these kids conclude that there’s something wrong with them,that they are stupid, even though there not. The majority of kids with learning disabilities have average or above average intelligence. It’s just that they learn differently and need certain accommodations to help them be successful in and out of the classroom. It’s not surprising though that they feel that they “deserve” to be treated badly. They don’t respect themselves. I work hard with my students to improve their self-esteem so that they will respect themselves and expect others to respect them as well.

I have done a fair bit of reading about bullying and have attended numerous conferences and workshops over the years. Although I’ve learned a lot from attending these, I’ve have found there are excellent resources on-line about the topic. I especially like Schwablearning.org . It has excellent information about the topic of bullying. I encourage you to check out their site. Bullying is so common it’s important for all of us to know as much as possible about the topic so that we can help kids who are bullied or who are bullies themselves. SchwabLearning.org’s tag line is: a parent’s guide to helping kids with learning difficulties. Although my own kids didn’t have learning or attentional difficulties, other family members did and of course I teach students who have these challenges and over the years I have found Schwab’s site useful and have learned much by reading their newsletters. Anyone can sign up to get them, and they are free. The site is very user friendly, as well. I encourage you to check it out.

OK, what can we do to help these kids. Schwablearning has an excellent article by Marlene Synder suggesting what parents can do to help kids who are the victims of bullying and kids who are bullies. It’s well written and easy to understand- just the what I like. Today, I’ll use her article to support my examination about bullying from the victim’s point of view. Next time I’ll discuss bullying from the bully’s point of view.

First, we need to look for signs of bullying because kids are reluctant to report incidence of bullying. Some of the signs are obvious; some are not. Obviously if a child comes home with clothing that’s torn or in disarray, or with damaged books or has cut and bruises that he can’t explain, we should be suspicious. But other signs of bullying are not as obvious. Repeated complaints of headaches and stomach aches, bad dreams and not wanting to go to school may indicate bullying problems. Sudden mood shifts, irritability or outbursts of temper may also be signs. But if you have teenagers, the sudden mood shifts and temper outburst could appear to be just part of being a teenager. It’s hard to tell. Bullies often try to shake down their victims so if your child is asking for more money than usual or money is stating to disappear around the house, take note. Your child could be a victim of bullying. Pay attention if your child suddenly starts to isolates himself from others and doesn’t seem to have many friends. But don’t panic, not all kids are gregarious by nature so it’d difficult to tell. Some kids like their own company and don’t want to be around a crowd of kids. They are content to have one or two friends.

Once we suspect that a child has been bullied what should we do? Well, first we shouldn’t overreact or under react. We need to be sympathetic and take the problem seriously and listen carefully to what the child has to say about the incident. Most importantly, we shouldn’t blame the victim. Asking the child what he did to bring on the attack is definitely not helpful. Home is supposed to be a refuge for children who have been victimized. They need our support and perhaps support from a professional, if we think it appropriate. We want to keep the lines of communication open and not shut down. As well as giving emotional support, teaching children some safety rules for dealing with bullies is an excellent idea. For example, hitting the bully back is not the right thing to do. It could get them suspended or even expelled given the “zero tolerance” policy for aggression in schools. Arrange for your child to have someone to talk to and a safe place to go to if he feels threatened at school or on the way to school or on the way home. We need to teach our children to report an incidence in an effective way so that it doesn’t seem as if it’s tattling. The report could be as simple as describing what was being done, by whom, when, and where. It’s important to work together with the school to resolve the problem.

Remember earlier I talked about how many kids who are victims of bullying have low self-esteem? It makes sense then to help these kids improve their self esteem. How can we do this? One way is by helping them not take the attack personally. We need to help them understand that it’s a power trip for the bully. We need to help them be more confident. Teach them how to walk confidently. Pay particular attention to grooming and social skills. If they believe they look and act right, they will be more confident. It ‘s all perception. At our school, there are workshops for kids to help them build self-esteem and appropriate social skills. Determining a child’s strengths and talents and fostering them will also develop self-esteem. Sometimes even a change in environment will help kids make new friends and give them a fresh start with new classmates who won’t victimize them. No one said it was easy , but it is possible.

So far I’ve been talking about what parents and other care givers at home can do. I haven’t really said anything about the school’s responsibility in this. Parents and the school need to work together. If the bullying happens at school, then the school has the main responsibility to see that the problem is dealt with appropriately and the victim and the bully given the support they need. Even if the bullying doesn’t happen at school, I believe that the school needs to get involved because what happens outside of school affects what happens inside of school. So, it is in everyone’s best interest for us to work together to resolve issues and give support.

So you’re ready to get in touch with the school about an incident of bullying. What steps should you take before doing this? First, write down the pertinent details such as what happened, who was involved , the time the incident took place, and the location . Insist on reporting the incident to the school even though your child might not want you to. Children need to know that sometimes adults need to intervene on their behalf. After all that’s why there are adults around. Incidents of bullying are one of these occasions. Talk to the child’s teacher and principal. A letter requesting that the principal stop the bullying is also in order. Whatever you do, don’t get in contact with the bully or the bully’s family directly. Let the school do that. Believe me, it works better that way.

Let’s just review what I’ve talked about so far. I’ve talked about the victim’s profile, the signs of bullying, what to do and what not to do when giving emotional support to victims, what not to do when dealing with bullies and the their families, and suggested getting the Principal and child’s teacher involved. It’s not a pleasant business. That’s for sure, but calmer heads need to prevail when dealing with incidents of bullying. Next time, I am going examine the issue of bullying from perspective of the bully much in the same manner as I did for the victim of bullying. I hope this has been helpful. If you are listening to this as a podcast, please come to my website to get the inks to Schwablearning.org. SchwabLearning is an organization that gives support around all sorts of issues for kids who have learning disabilities or behaviour issues. I encourage you to check it out.

Here are some other articles I wrote about bullying that you might find useful

Cyber-Bullying:Relational Aggression-Part 1

911 for kids who bully

How effective are anti-bullying programs?

Fear Not- a new role playing game to help stop bullying

Bullying is a cry for help. We’d better listen.

Cyber-Bullying- Educating Kids is Better than Incarcerating them

I’m always amazed by the power of graphic organizers and puzzles to motivate students to stay on task, and of course a student who is on task is a student who is not a discipline problem. I’ve come to think of graphic organizers and puzzles as a classroom management tools, because when I use them students manage to behave better and do their work without finding creative ways to amuse themselves like bullying other students or throwing things around the room.

I keep an emergency file of puzzles and activities that use graphic organizers handy so that when things are not going “well” , I can instantly whip out my emergency file and save the day- and my sanity. I have an emergency file for my learning strategies classes, literacy classes and math classes. I’ve been collecting puzzles and graphic organizers over the years and have found the internet to be a valuable resource. Sites like edHelper and Puzzle Choice are some of the sites I like to use. EdHelper has material suitable for kids from k-12 . I use it for math and language. This week, my grade nine students couldn’t get enough of the Sudoku puzzles from edHelper. I also like the Number Cruncher puzzle from Puzzle Choice. I ‘ve used the Number Cruncher puzzles with my grade 9-10 applied math classes. You can definitely use it for the earlier grades as well. The math isn’t the challenging part of the puzzle ; following the instructions is. I can generate a lot of good excitement in class using the Number Cruncher puzzles.

One of the most effective ways I found to settle my rambunctious classes is to greet them at the door with a puzzle or handout. When they come to my classroom door, I greet them with a warm hello and give them the puzzle or handout. This week it was Sud0ku puzzles for the math class. Some students even asked if they could have some puzzles for home work! They sit down and start on the puzzle or handout so they’re working and not misbehaving. O f course not everyone is keen, but what happens is interesting. The good students almost always start to work on the puzzle right away. The students who sometimes misbehave depending on the situation will also almost always start to work on the puzzle . That leaves the disruptive kids. Amazingly they will also settle down and do the puzzle. I’m not sure if it’s peer pressure that gets them to do the puzzle, or they do it because they don’t have an audience because everyone is paying attention to the puzzle. At any rate, that strategy has really helped me with classroom management. Of course it doesn’t always work perfectly, but it works often enough to make it a valuable tool. I have shared that strategy with other teachers, and they have found it effective too.

Graphic organizers are also an effective classroom management tool, aside from being an excellent teaching tool. My rambunctious students love doing graphic organizers so ,of course, I use them a lot. The graphic organizers really engage the kids. I use them in all my classes from grade nine through to grade twelve. Teachers at my school who teach the gifted program also use them. The enhanced grade eleven biology class created a quilt (a graphic organizer) as a final evaluation for one of the units in the course. It was fantastic. The senior kids loved creating the quilt instead of doing a regular unit test. The teacher was able to evaluate the kids in all the categories she had to -thinking, application, communication and knowledge. It was a win-win situation.

There are so many wonderful graphic organizers out there. I have favourites that I use all the time. I’ve discussed these in previous posts. If you just click here you’ll see that I have listed them along with possible applications. I’ve shared these with other teacher at work and they also find them useful as well.

Of course nothing works all of the time. I usually mix things up a bit because kids get bored and then the behaviour deteriorates. Sometimes nothing works, and it’s just one of those days. I really believe that it’s not all my responsibility to keep kids from getting bored. Kids have to do their part , too. I’m not a entertainer. I’m a teacher. But, I really think that it is in my best interest to try to keep my students engaged in activities I chose or else they’ll be engaged in ones I wouldn’t choose.

I invite you to try some of the strategies with puzzles and graphic organizers that I’ve talked about, and see if they work for you. Check out my links and surf web. There’s lot of wonderful resources out there. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

During the last week Ive been reading about the cyber-abuse that Kathy Sierra has experienced and listened to her talk about it in an interview. It was very disturbing. I’ve had many conversations about Kathy’s cyber-abuse and cyber-abuse in general with other bloggers. I have written about cyber- abuse in my posts “Schools need to do more to protect students from road rage on the digital highway” and Cyber-Bullying: Relational Aggression . Please read the two posts regarding my arguments and suggestions.

I have computers in my classroom and saw kids using MySpace (before it was blocked) and realized the need for us to teach kids in a systematic way about using the internet safely. I have also seen and heard the relational aggression that goes on amongst students. I have suggested that schools among other things implement a program that deals with cyber-bullying based on the program that all ready exists for bullying. I also suggested that students need to know that freedom of speech is limited by the laws prohibiting libel and slander. Kids and adults need to be absolutely clear on what is appropriate behaviour and what isn’t. Our safe school policy states

when using electronic resources students must demonstrate appropriate on-line conduct/manners and refrain from improper/unethical use of technology, including computer hacking. Internet use for any purpose which is contrary to the school’s Code of Conduct is strictly prohibited. This includes all forms of violence, threats and harassment directed at the students or school. This applies to school, work and home Internet use.

harassment and physical, verbal (oral or written) sexual or psychological abuse; bullying; or discrimination on the basis of faith, gender, socioeconomic status, ability, age, sexual orientation or any other attribute is unacceptable…

Any student who demonstrates behaviour inconsistent with Board policy or the school Code of Conduct will face consequences which may include loss of privileges, detention, community service, making restitution, suspension or full expulsion from any school in the province.

I am very much concerned about the issue of cyber-bullying and relational aggression and made suggestions to help stop the abuse and help deal with the abuse. With these thoughts and concerns and Kathy Sierra’s experience of cyber-abuse in my head , I read Miguel’s post Think Before You Post where he says:

For me, it’s a reminder that we all have to be a bit thicker-skinned when we venture out into an online world. If I post my photo online, I have to expect that it will be modified. If I share my thoughts, my hopes, my fears, I have to expect that they could be used against me.

I read the statement and concluded that the victim was being blamed because she should be thicker skinned and not bothered by whatever .She should have know better and she should have expected trouble. I said that blaming a victim for cyber-abuse reminded me of when women were blamed for being raped because they wore short skirts. The implication was that the victim was at fault because of what she did and she should have know better and she only had herself to blame.

As for Miguel’s statement about my accusation :” The accusation seemed to be working against a “straw man.” I don’t know about that. I just made a logical extension of Miguel’s argument regarding the video and went down the slippery slope with it. Look, I’m not trying to make brownie points here. I read what Miguel said and I interpreted it the way I did as a reflection of my own observations and after thinking about it further I still see it the same way.To say that someone should not feel bad when someone hurts them and then say what did you expect when you did that, is blaming the victim. At least, the way I see it.

The most important thing is that cyber-bullying and relational aggression be stopped and victims of abuse get support. That’s what I am working for. That’s what other people are working for. I have links to different support organizations in my blog roll for anyone to access. I want people to be educated about the dangers of cyber-bullying and how to protect themselves and know that if something happens they will have the emotional and legal support they need. W e are just seeing the tip of the iceberg. I recently read an estimate that predicted 80 million people will on line by 2010. I hope we have more answers by then.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to make classrooms safer for teachers and kids. I think it would help if teachers got more training about managing kids in ways that didn’t bring the worst out of kids. Teachers don’t get get much training in this area. I have my special ed specialist in behaviour management, and I feel could use more training on how t0 deal with some of the disturbed kids we get in schools. I know we’re teachers and not members of an emergency task force, but still we have to deal with all kinds of kids with all kinds of problems so we’d better know what to do that works or at least doesn’t make the situation worse.

I’m not saying that more training would be a magic wand and make the problems go away, but I do think more training to help us deal better with the disturbed kids we have in our classes would help. I’ve observed classrooms were the primary management strategy was it’s -my-way-or-the-highway. Well, the my-way -or-the-highway approach does not work with kids today. It might have in another time and another place, but not here and now. This power trip approach causes all kinds of problems. Let’s just say it. Some teachers are bullies. It’s a simple a that. I’ve seen what happens in classes where teachers have this approach. Students sit there seething with resentment and plot on how to get even. Unfortunately they go to their next class still seething and plotting , and the next teacher wonders what in the world is wrong with this kid. It’s a teenager’s “job” to rebel against authority, so of course some kids at some times aren’t going to do what we ask the first time we ask it. But, teachers don’t need to make things worse by using ineffective approaches because they don’t know any better or because they won’t change their management strategies or style. Learning how to deal with the troubled, troublesome and troubling kids we have in our classroom is in our best interest. The kids aren’t going away and we are the adults.

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  These are my personal views and not those of my employer.