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I’m reminded of the need to soften my heart
Filed Under "At-risk" students, Behaviour Management, Dealing With Stress, motivating students, underachieving students
photo by anyjazz65
Someone once told me that when we’re faced with difficult situations, we’re really being given an opportunity to learn something. I got that opportunity last week, and it reminded me of something I all ready knew, but had just forgotten.
Katie, not her real name, stormed into my grade 12 class late, sat down at the computer and pulled out her cell phone and started text messaging. I looked at her quite surprised.”What’s with her?”, I thought. Cell phones aren’t allowed in school and she knows that. I asked her to put the cell phone away, and after she finished her text message she did and then promptly pulled out a chocolate bar and started unwrapping it and eating it. Katie also knows that eating in the classroom is not allowed at our school. I asked her to put it away, and she did -after taking another bite. Then she took a bottle of water out of her bag and began opening it over the key board. I asked her to put that away too. She replied that it’s only water, implying what’s the problem? I have no problem with students drinking water in my classroom, but not at the computers. Water could spill on the keyboard and ruin it. She took another sip of water and then put the bottle back in her bag.
I turned to help another student wondering what was up with Katie today but not taking the time to ask her. The next time I checked to see how she was doing, I noticed she was using her cell phone again. That was the last straw! I mean really- enough is enough. This time I asked her to go to the office and speak to a VP about the cell phone.
Katie flat 0ut refused to go. She told me she wasn’t going to the office because she had a lot of work to do. That was true. She’d fallen behind because she’d skipped 20 or so classes out of 50 so far. As if Katie’s behaviour wasn’t enough, a couple of boys in the class started to encourage me to let her stay in class to do her work. “Come on miss”, they said “Let her stay and do her work. Look she wants to do her work” Great, I thought. Just what I need at this point- a mutiny. Now what?
It was my move. I told her to go to the office, but she refused again. I told her that if she didn’t comply with my request, I’d call the office and have an administrator escort her out. She still refused, so I called the office and explained the situation and an administrator came and that was that.
I just realized as I’m writing this that although I wondered at the time what had got into Katie and why she was so defiant, I hadn’t thought to ask her . Maybe if I had asked her what was going and why was she acting like that, I might have avoided all the drama. But, I didn’t think of it at the time. I was just annoyed by her behaviour.
At lunch that day, I shared my frustration with a friend about what just had happened in class. I told him that I’d had it with Katie. His response was that I should soften my heart. “Soften my heart”, I thought, “What was he talking about!” She had just ruined my class in a big way. I wasn’t open to softening my heart. On the contrary. I was up for hardening up my heart. Thank you very much! I was busy making all these plans about how I would treat her in professional manner when she returned to class, but no more than that. My anger continued to boil while I’m sure my blood pressure was reaching new heights.
Later on that evening while I was continuing to harden my heart , I began to think that maybe my friend was right. Maybe I should soften my heart toward Katie. That might not be such a bad idea after all. My hard, hearted attitude wasn’t really helpful. I was still upset. My hardening heart hadn’t brought me any peace, on the contrary. The more I thought about Katie, the more upset I got. By the time I got to work the next day, I decided that I would soften my heart toward Katie. I decided that Katie must be hurting big time for her to act like that, and that a hard heart wasn’t going to help her or me for that matter.
I’d momentarily forgotten the lesson that I’d learned a long time ago that when kids act out like Katie did, they’re really asking for help. They don’t need more hardened hearts. There are probably enough of those in their lives already. I’m going talk to Katie’s counsellor and see if she can get the support she’s crying out for.
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I just read an article in Ted Fredrick’s ELA Teaching Blog about “quitting” students; mainly, giving up on those that seem unreachable. I’m glad to see that your reflection along with your colleague’s advice did indeed soften your heart to the troubles of your students and gave you insight to use next time a situation like that arises. I can understand the frustration that comes along with teaching, especially when “enough is enough,” and you have discussed a very important aspect of teaching that plagues many instructors; things that students do may just be a cry for help, no matter how small. I will remember this entry next time I want to simply give up.
Hi,
As a group some of my teaching peers have been reading about CPS (Collabrative Problem Solving)written by Dr.Russ Greene.
He suggests that students who “act out” may have lagging skills and that a collabrative process might help us to reach certain types of students whose behaviour may seem troubling.
http://www.livesinthebalance.org/